poem (age 18)

for you my vision clouded
always thought you were so perfect
shadows cast upon what seemed like heaven
suddenly it wasnt worth it
harsh words break hearts
and hearts they turn to stone
tears they fall down like rain
every time we're on the phone
and you blame it all on me
blame me for giving up
yet scold me for blaming things on you
im wrong for knowing enoughs enough
im wrong for craving happiness
insane for thinking i deserve more
when every night you left me crying
heart shattered on the floor
you bring out the worst in me
the monster that i hate to be
our personalities simply clash
I dont know how we ever were a we
you insist things were getting better
but how long did you expect me to wait
with more waiting i'd learn to hate you
any longer and it'd be too late
in love with a memory of what used to be
but not quite with me
you're holding on to what once was
refusing to open your eyes and see
the guy i fell in love with
was never really real
i saw what i wanted to see
felt what i wanted to feel
you were never my prince charming
though at times you were so good
it was overshadowed by the bad
i woulda stopped it if i could
but i always knew id never forget
the worst of all your lies
the baddest of all your deeds
i just had to say goodbye
i found myself saying sorry
for things i dont think ive ever done
anything to avoid another fight
sick of battles never won
and now youre a whole new person
a person i never knew
and im finding it hard to accept
that this is the real you
and im sick of the way you make me feel
the way you pick on me till i cry
argue about a relationship so long gone
and the tears take forever to dry
and i know you dont wanna hear this
but now that i have someone new
its not so easy to think back
and remember me and you
cuz the cracks you left in my heart
are just a thing of the past
ive found someone that makes me happy
and im praying it will last
everyone deserves perfection
and ive finally found mine
we never could have been perfect
no matter how hard we tried
but youve heard this all before
this isnt something new
i dont want you to hurt me anymore
but its something that you do
yet i foolishly still talk to you
just like ive always done
forever stuck in this endless loop
of wars never won
but as always we're getting nowhere
limping down the same old road
knowing in the past its lead to disaster
but not knowing where else to go
im just hoping you dont hate me
i never wanted to hurt you at all
but we never could have lasted
you made me feel so small